Girl Faces the Amazing Disappearing Guy

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Hey, Cherie!

After two weeks of going out with Dylan, he has disappeared. Let me explain. I am a 16-year-old girl. Dylan is a guy, age 17. We have been going to school together for many years, but suddenly around the middle of June, Dylan decided he liked me a lot.

He put what my friend, Ashlee, calls the full-court press on me. He was constantly calling me, or texting me, or instant messaging me. I would wake up in the morning and see that he had gotten up at three in the morning to send me a love e-mail. Maybe he didn't get to sleep at all. Who knows? I would find little gifts from him on my doorstep, and I even got a delivery of flowers to the bleachers at the high school graduation ceremony.
Updated: Wed Jul 14, 2010

Hey, Cherie!

After two weeks of going out with Dylan, he has disappeared. Let me explain. I am a 16-year-old girl. Dylan is a guy, age 17. We have been going to school together for many years, but suddenly around the middle of June, Dylan decided he liked me a lot.

He put what my friend, Ashlee, calls the full-court press on me. He was constantly calling me, or texting me, or instant messaging me. I would wake up in the morning and see that he had gotten up at three in the morning to send me a love e-mail. Maybe he didn't get to sleep at all. Who knows? I would find little gifts from him on my doorstep, and I even got a delivery of flowers to the bleachers at the high school graduation ceremony.

I have to admit that I was overwhelmed. No guy has ever treated me like that before. It is what every girl dreams of, I think. To have a guy who wants to be your boyfriend that much. So, I became Dylan's girlfriend. And Dylan kept doing the same thing for two more weeks. We didn't have sex or anything like that, and it wasn't he wanted to and I didn't.

After two weeks, though, Dylan disappeared. Not literally, of course. I still see him. But he doesn't call me, doesn't email me, doesn't text me, doesn't contact me at all. It's like I don't even exist. I feel like an idiot.

— Dylanated

Hey, Dylanated!

What a difficult thing to go through. It probably doesn't do much good to tell you that you're not alone — what's happening now with you and Dylan has happened to so many girls (and guys, for that matter), but I'm going to tell you that anyway. It occurs more often than we'd like to admit.

What's brutal here from your point of view is that full-court press. You may never know why Dylan did it. Was he truly head over heels for you? Was this some pathological thing of his, where he revels in the pursuit, but once he gets what he wants, he backs off? Has he been smashed by the fear factor of love, and once he feels it he needs to run the other way? Dunno, dunno and dunno. Wish I did.

If there's a lesson in this, I think it's one that's practically impossible to learn. I can tell you about slowing things down, about not letting your heart rule your head. But let's face it: Love is not necessarily about the head. It's about big emotions, hormones, gut feelings, and in addition to what you think. I don't know if it would be better if it wasn't. Doubtful, actually.

So hang in there, Dylanated. I know you must feel terribly burned. It will get better with time.

Hey, Cherie!

I went fishing with my dad this last weekend and we caught a bunch of yellow perch. My dad wanted to throw them all back, but I wanted to keep some and eat them. I cleaned the fish myself and put them in the fridge. Then, I kind of forgot about them. My dad does not believe in killing anything you are not going to eat, so now these fish are like four days old. He wants me to make them for dinner.

By the time you get this letter, it will be too late, but I thought I'd ask anyway if you think this is reasonable.

— Fishing Fool

Hey, Fishing!

Yes. It's reasonable. As long as you haven't left the perch in the fridge so long that eating it is dangerous. I can't tell you how long that is, since it depends on the fish and the fridge.

Here's why it's reasonable: You caught it. You killed it. You shouldn't take any animal's life blithely if you're going to take it at all. Next time? Don't forget.