How to Keep Your Friends And Not Lose Yourself

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 17 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Hey, Cherie!

I'm a 15-year-old girl and I used to be really happy. I live in a nice neighborhood outside of Boston. My parents are cool and have great jobs, and our house is really big and pretty. All my friends used to love to come over and hang out on my porch. Other kids would bike by just to see who was hanging out. I used to have these awesome sleepovers with my three best friends. We would eat junk food, play games, watch movies, talk about boys, and just have so much fun. But now everything has changed and I'm so mad about it!

It's fine to talk about guys, but now my friends are totally obsessed with it. They're also obsessed with dieting and reality TV stars and other famous people, and they rate everyone, like are they hot or not? And this part is the worst — how they are always on their phones. It drives me nuts. Personally, I like to write poetry, keep a journal (an actual book, not a blog), and also I'm really into photography. My friends used to read my poetry and stuff, but now they don't even remember to ask! When we hang out, all they want to do is check their Facebook and Twitter messages and gossip about who's doing what and who's doing who, and it seems like everyone is so fake, talking about each other behind their backs. These girls have been my besties forever, and I don't want to lose them, so I just go along and act like it's all-cool. But inside, I get a little sadder and a little lonelier every day. What should I do? Please don't tell me to tell them because I can't.
Updated: Wed May 16, 2012

Hey, Cherie!

I'm a 15-year-old girl and I used to be really happy. I live in a nice neighborhood outside of Boston. My parents are cool and have great jobs, and our house is really big and pretty. All my friends used to love to come over and hang out on my porch. Other kids would bike by just to see who was hanging out. I used to have these awesome sleepovers with my three best friends. We would eat junk food, play games, watch movies, talk about boys, and just have so much fun. But now everything has changed and I'm so mad about it!

It's fine to talk about guys, but now my friends are totally obsessed with it. They're also obsessed with dieting and reality TV stars and other famous people, and they rate everyone, like are they hot or not? And this part is the worst — how they are always on their phones. It drives me nuts. Personally, I like to write poetry, keep a journal (an actual book, not a blog), and also I'm really into photography. My friends used to read my poetry and stuff, but now they don't even remember to ask! When we hang out, all they want to do is check their Facebook and Twitter messages and gossip about who's doing what and who's doing who, and it seems like everyone is so fake, talking about each other behind their backs. These girls have been my besties forever, and I don't want to lose them, so I just go along and act like it's all-cool. But inside, I get a little sadder and a little lonelier every day. What should I do? Please don't tell me to tell them because I can't.

— Twitterless Teen

Hey, Twitterless!

Hey, thanks for doing my job for me with that last sentence. So why even write to me? You can't tell them; you feel like a fake (cuz you kinda, like, are); and you stay in "put on a happy-face mode" rather than risk ... well, anything. What are you writing in your journal, that you think you are so deep but no one understands you? Well, of course, they don't understand — you're not giving them a chance to understand you . Ohhhh, busted. OK, I am being kind of hard on you, but I'm hoping when you're done with that knee-jerk, hating-on-me moment, you'll consider what I'm saying.

It's kind of ironic — you judging them for being shallow and fake, cuz you're the fake -fake! Are you telling me that your "besties" will stop hanging with you if you admit that tweeting and trashing is not your thing? Really? If they feel judged, then yeah, it could cause a rift. So don't present it like you're all superior, present it like you know and love them enough to be honest with them. Offer to share your poetry. In other words, you open up. You take the chance. If they truly are your homies, they will respond and still be your posse. Too often girls lose themselves right around your age and it becomes all about guys, social media and all that jazz. There is room for that and still not just holding on to your authentic self but helping it grow. You be the leader. Open up to them, not so much about what you don't like but about what you do like. Change happens and it can be good. You may be surprised to find they open up in return. You can lose the fake-'n'-bake and get back the real deal. Your posse will be a whole new kinda saucy.

Hey, Cherie!

I'm 16. My friends are all going to the shore this weekend and they all plan to get wasted and get tats. I want one so bad but my parents would kill me. I want a tat that is a snake twisting all the way around my torso, like, it would start at my pubic bone and end with its face and fangs just below my breasts. I drew the picture and I keep looking at it. I should be my own person and do what's right for me, don't you think?

— I'm An Original

Hey, Original!

Umm ... no. I mean, yes, be your own person but not a 16-year-old person being suffocated by a snake. I hate to bring up the bummer of, oh, laws, but you can't get a tat without your parent's permission at 16. Of course, teens do it all the time anyway. No one's gonna throw you in juvie over it. However, they might throw you in too dumb to live-vie. How about you're the only one who doesn't get wasted and get a tat? Now that would make you an original.

Cherie Bennett is a best-selling author of books and plays for teens and young adults. To find out more about Cherie Bennett and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.