Pre-Teen's Terminal Shyness Needs a Cure

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 18 Aug 2011 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Hey Cherie!

I am a 12-year-old girl and I am really shy. If I try to talk to someone I don't know, I turn all red. I already have red hair and freckles to begin with! I am home schooled, so I don't even know what it's like to go to school every day and talk to other kids and teachers. I thank my lucky stars every day because I feel like I would die if I had to do that! Even at church, where I know everyone, sometimes I feel so shy that my words get mixed up in my head, and I don't even make sense. When I talk to my parents or my little sisters, I don't have this problem at all! But I can't just stay home with my family, go to church and that's my whole life forever, can I?

If I could, my life would be so much better because I wouldn't have to live with this knot in my stomach worrying about the future. I don't even want to grow up and be a teenager! I don't see what is so fun about having to be scared and feel like puking every day. I know I'm different, but maybe this is just how God made me. Sometimes I get a little lonely because I don't have a friend my age. I have lots of church friends my age, but none of them are like a best friend I could call up or go to the mall with. My aunt keeps telling my mom that I need to go to real school so I can learn to be with people. So far, my mom says I'm fine just the way I am. I guess I really don't know what I want except to feel better than I do now — So Shy
Updated: Wed Aug 17, 2011

Hey Cherie!

I am a 12-year-old girl and I am really shy. If I try to talk to someone I don't know, I turn all red. I already have red hair and freckles to begin with! I am home schooled, so I don't even know what it's like to go to school every day and talk to other kids and teachers. I thank my lucky stars every day because I feel like I would die if I had to do that! Even at church, where I know everyone, sometimes I feel so shy that my words get mixed up in my head, and I don't even make sense. When I talk to my parents or my little sisters, I don't have this problem at all! But I can't just stay home with my family, go to church and that's my whole life forever, can I?

If I could, my life would be so much better because I wouldn't have to live with this knot in my stomach worrying about the future. I don't even want to grow up and be a teenager! I don't see what is so fun about having to be scared and feel like puking every day. I know I'm different, but maybe this is just how God made me. Sometimes I get a little lonely because I don't have a friend my age. I have lots of church friends my age, but none of them are like a best friend I could call up or go to the mall with. My aunt keeps telling my mom that I need to go to real school so I can learn to be with people. So far, my mom says I'm fine just the way I am. I guess I really don't know what I want except to feel better than I do now — So Shy

Hey So Shy!

Continuing to lead the life you are currently living will never get you where you want to go, making you feel better and happier. However, you are going to need to baby step your way to change. Each baby step is a giant step of progress. You could start by picking out a girl at church with whom you are currently "church" friends and invite her over to watch a movie, hang out, whatever. Yep, this will be hard for you to do. You could stammer and not get the words out. She could say no.

Life is full of risks. But the only way to own your own life is to take some, because then you own the triumph when you succeed. That feeling will lead to more triumphs. If asking her in person feels overwhelming, you could email her a casual invite to come hang out. Another step is to join a volunteer group for a cause you believe in. You'll find people there who share your interests and care about the world. You'll be active, which means you don't need to talk as much, and as you get more comfortable with them, you'll find it easier to begin talking to them. Speaking of talking, the peeps you really need to talk to are your parents. Spend some time figuring out what you want to say. If your honest, mature and respectful, and explain that you need to begin to change your life, I'm betting they will support you. If they don't, (This is where the angry mail starts — thank you readers — I meant it — love what you have to say even when you disagree with me.) do it anyway. It's your life. Time to baby step up and own it.

Hey, Cherie!

I did something really stupid and now I'm in big trouble. I lost my dad's favorite baseball card because I was showing it to this kid I know. He's the coolest guy in our entire school, and I'm like nobody compared to him. Plus, he's the star on our baseball team. This card is worth a mint, plus it's my dad's prized possession and no one is allowed to touch it, not even my mom. When my dad finds out, he's going to kill me. I've looked all over for the card, and I can't find it anywhere. I just don't know what happened. Maybe I should just run away from home —Big Trouble

Hey, Big!

This sounds like a sitcom episode where in the end the card is found and the kid finds out that his dad loves him more than he loves the baseball card. Ya gotta love stupid sitcoms, huh? Yeah, your dad is gonna kill you. Not literally. But you really did screw up, totally disrespected your dad and you did it just so you could brag to some lame kid you barely know because you think he's cooler than you are. So lame. Feel bad yet? Because I don't know that you're owning what you did — you're so busy worrying about the consequences.

Have you asked cool baseball guy if maybe he picked up the card by mistake? And by "mistake" I mean could the guy have stolen it? Read his face when you ask him. It's all in the eyes. Retrace every step of what you did and where you were when you showed off the card. Assuming you still don't find it, obviously you have to go to your dad and confess. I suggest you practice first. What is it you really want to say? What is your heart telling you? Your dad will be mad, hurt, whatever — and rightly so. You are going to have to suck it up and take whatever punishment he doles out. You did the crime and now you have to do the time. That's how life goes. It's how we learn, and grow. Though these life lesson thingies usually suck deeply when you're going through them, it's the path to you becoming your best self.