Boyfriend's Behavior 'A Black Thing'?

Larry Meeks
Sat, 17 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Larry: I am in a deeply committed relationship with a wonderful black man. I am white, am 25 years old and have a little boy by another father, who also happens to be black. My parents do not like my current boyfriend, and they do not get along.

I know this is the person for me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Every time I see him, my heart seems to skip a beat. He makes me feel complete, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. When he is near, I am happy, and when he is away, I am sad. Our sex life is out of this world. If this is not love, I am at a loss for what is love.

The problem is my boyfriend is jealous all the time. He resents my being on the phone talking to anyone. He does not want me to leave the house because he is afraid that I will meet someone else who is better than he is. When I go to the store, he insists that he go along. The latest time we were at the store, he got angry at the checker because the checker was, in my boyfriend's opinion, too friendly.
Updated: Fri Jul 16, 2010

Dear Larry: I am in a deeply committed relationship with a wonderful black man. I am white, am 25 years old and have a little boy by another father, who also happens to be black. My parents do not like my current boyfriend, and they do not get along.

I know this is the person for me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Every time I see him, my heart seems to skip a beat. He makes me feel complete, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. When he is near, I am happy, and when he is away, I am sad. Our sex life is out of this world. If this is not love, I am at a loss for what is love.

The problem is my boyfriend is jealous all the time. He resents my being on the phone talking to anyone. He does not want me to leave the house because he is afraid that I will meet someone else who is better than he is. When I go to the store, he insists that he go along. The latest time we were at the store, he got angry at the checker because the checker was, in my boyfriend's opinion, too friendly.

I do not mind his concern because I know that it is his way of showing that he loves me. It is nice having someone who wants me with him all the time, but his insistence is getting in the way now. My boyfriend is not always available to go with me every time I need to be somewhere.

Because he hates my parents, I find it impossible to visit them. My son has been late to school a few times because my boyfriend was slow getting ready.

I have tried to make my boyfriend feel secure. I go out of my way to be in touch with him always and tell him what I am doing, where I am going and even what I am thinking. Nothing seems to work.

I asked my boyfriend what I could do to help him feel better. He said, "Nothing. It is a black thing." I have never heard of this before. Because my friends are now all gone, I have no one to consult. I dare not talk with my parents. That is why I am asking you.

Larry, what is my boyfriend talking about, and what can I do? — Ruthie

Dear Ruthie: Your situation is troubling and scary. Your boyfriend is paranoid, and it has nothing to do with his skin color. He is controlling, manipulative and, in my opinion, dangerous.

My advice is to get out of this relationship until both of you get help. He needs to overcome his illness, and you need to find out why you are willing to tolerate his abuse in the name of love.

I suggest you contact the organization WEAVE (Women Escaping a Violent Environment) before you do anything. I am afraid you may see a side of your boyfriend that is dangerous.

Please write me again and let me know you are safe.

Dear Larry: I need to make a correction regarding the tattoo subject. The woman who wrote to you said her brother considers tattoos on women to be "tramp stamps."

The "tramp stamp" label he is referring to is given only to the ones that women put on their lower backs. These tattoos are the ones that show when women sit down. When a woman sits, her pants are lower in the back, and you can see her "bull's-eye." This term was used and popularized in the movie "Wedding Crashers."

The other tattoos on women, such as ones on the neck, upper back, arms, etc., are not considered "tramp stamps." — Juli

Dear Juli: Thank you for that clarification. I know a lot of people who consider any tattoo, regardless of location, a "tramp stamp."