He Wrote What in the Newspaper?!

Margo Howard
Thu, 09 Jan 2014 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Margo: About a year ago, my husband started writing and publishing stories in a local newspaper. He never told me or showed me the stories. I heard about them from friends and then read them. The stories are about sexual behavior and fantasies involving other women. He uses the first person for the main character.

I do not feel comfortable with this and haven't wanted to have sex with him since. I asked him why he had to publish these stories. He said they were made up and he wouldn't write them anymore. I trusted him, but recently found that he was doing it again.

All of his stories are about sex. Is he sick? I really can't have sex with him when I think of the stories. He thinks I am overreacting. He still wants sex with me. Should I take him to see a therapist? — Troubled
Updated: Fri Jan 10, 2014

Dear Margo: About a year ago, my husband started writing and publishing stories in a local newspaper. He never told me or showed me the stories. I heard about them from friends and then read them. The stories are about sexual behavior and fantasies involving other women. He uses the first person for the main character.

I do not feel comfortable with this and haven't wanted to have sex with him since. I asked him why he had to publish these stories. He said they were made up and he wouldn't write them anymore. I trusted him, but recently found that he was doing it again.

All of his stories are about sex. Is he sick? I really can't have sex with him when I think of the stories. He thinks I am overreacting. He still wants sex with me. Should I take him to see a therapist? — Troubled

Dear Trub: I would take him to a creative writing class to help him change the subject. First of all, I cannot imagine what kind of a local paper would publish stories about sexual fantasies. And second, I don't know what's up with a man who says he won't do it anymore and then continues.

One would think that your Lysistrata maneuver would have stopped the stories, but perhaps you need to be explicit: No more amorous activities until the public flights of imagination cease. And if he is trying to send you a message, tell him you do not wish to read it in the newspaper. — Margo, privately

HEADING FOR THE DOOR?

Dear Margo: I'm a 45-year-old single mother of two. I've had several relationships after my divorce. I'm now in the fourth month of a relationship with a truly wonderful man.

My problem is that I have a tendency to start focusing on something physical and then get turned off by it.

I try not to think about it, but I become obsessed — kind of like Jerry Seinfeld and the girl with big hands. It sounds crazy, but it's a pattern for me and has been most of my life.

I know this is a great guy whom I was very much attracted to when we met. I don't want to fail at this relationship because of this strange hang-up I have. My problem with this one is that his head is just a little too big for his body. Kind of like a bobblehead doll. Is there any hope for me, and what the heck is my problem? — Elaine

Dear E: I like that you even have a name from "Seinfeld," in addition to finding that your life is like one of his episodes. Somehow you've gotten into the habit of finding fault with people because of a physical characteristic, and then you focus on it, and finally it makes the person unacceptable to you.

Could your preoccupation with how people look perhaps be an unconscious defense against commitment? If you find you are unable to talk yourself down from this self-defeating habit, a good psychologist might be useful.

As for a head that's too large for the body, this is often said of movie stars. No one knows exactly why, but it has been often remarked. And I will tell you the worst thing I remember from my college years: A girl in my dorm said, offhandedly, "You know, your head is too big for your body."

I was frantic because she had picked the one thing I could not fix. Had she said my nose was wrong, or my jaw underslung, or just about anything else, there would have been a remedy.

Anyway, I've done OK with my too-big head, and here's hoping your new beau survives what even you acknowledge is an unfortunate pattern. — Margo, proportionately